The Emotional Cost of a Vague Message at Work

It’s Friday night, 6pm ish. I didn’t actually work Fridays back then, but I was just checking my emails before signing off.. Email pings in from my then-boss. 

Hi Hannah, can you come in early on Monday, for 8 if possible, something I’d like to talk to you about. Thanks 

No context, no explanation. 

Due to several factors – my own fantastical ability to leap straight to catastrophe when I receive no-context texts or emails like this, some of my life experiences clouding the way I interpret things, and, to be fair to me, the very real behaviours I’d previously experienced at work – I immediately spiral into what’s apparently known as anticipatory anxiety.

I’m in trouble. I’ve done something wrong. Someone has been to see the boss about me.

Maybe I am going to lose my job.  

What was even worse about all of this, is that nobody likes unfinished business, and I am the WORST for it. I’m a let’s talk now kind of girl (even if now isn’t sensible or wise). My husband is very good at saying ‘well I will chat to them about it when I next see them,’ or, ‘I’m sure it can wait until we have more time to talk it through properly,’ etc etc’. But no, not me. Once it’s in my brain, it consumes all the space. So the hanging on over the weekend was especially agonising. It’s not lost on me that had I not checked my emails on my day off, I wouldn’t be in this position, and herein lies a lesson on boundaries (I also wouldn’t have known to get in early for Monday which may have landed me in more hot water, who knows which is the lesser of two evils, here). 

What actually happened in the Monday meeting is actually largely irrelevant here. The important point for us is that there was something fundamentally wrong in this whole interaction. Something underneath the checking of emails and the way the request came in. 

I didn’t feel entirely psychologically safe. 

Psychological safety. One of the latest buzz words for the workplace. And the problem with buzzwords is that they start to lose their power, people decide they’re fluff, or woke. They get overused and misunderstood. 

Psychological safety: the shared belief held by team members that the environment is safe for interpersonal risk-taking, such as speaking up, asking questions, admitting mistakes, or proposing new ideas without fear of punishment, humiliation, or retribution.

In this week’s podcast, Laura and I chat about what psychological safety means to us in real life, both what it is, and what it isn’t. We pull on some of the best research on the topic to help us see how we can address issues when we don’t feel safe, and how we can be part of the solution to make our workplaces and relationships better. 

One of the key things we discuss is that psychological safety is not the same as ‘being nice’. It’s not a place where mistakes aren’t made, or left unchallenged. But it is a place where learning and growth is accelerated, calculated risks are taken and the team has a sense of collective ownership rather than a ‘throwing under the bus’ mentality. 

If you’re a leader, or want to be a leader, if you’re in an organisation where you think there may be a whiff (or more than a whiff) of a fear-based culture, then it’s worth a listen. 

One question for you and me to consider: 

If psychological safety were measured by how people feel after interacting with me, what would the data say? 

In my book, The Purpose Pursuit, we talk about 10% tweaks - small, real-life shifts that help us do better without overhauling everything. Here are three 10% tweaks to try when it comes to psychological safety:

Before sending a message, setting a meeting, or asking for time, ask yourself: does this need one more sentence of context?

A simple line like, “Nothing to worry about, I just want to get your perspective,” or “This isn’t urgent, but I’d love to talk,” can significantly reduce unnecessary anxiety.

It’s a small effort on your part that can make a big difference to how safe someone feels.

If you hold positional or relational power, pause for a second before you speak or send. Ask: how might this land for them?

That might mean softening your opening line, choosing a different time, or explicitly inviting questions.

Psychological safety grows when people feel they won’t be punished for not already knowing, agreeing, or getting it right the first time.

When something goes wrong - or even when it goes well -  try naming what was learnt, not just what happened.

Saying things like, “Here’s what we learnt from that,” or “Next time, I’d do this differently,” signals that mistakes are part of growth, not a threat to belonging.

I’d love to know your thoughts on how we actually go about creating these environments in real life so do drop me a line with your experiences and ideas, 

Love, 

Hannah