What Makes a Self-Help Book Actually Helpful?

Hi everyone,

What’s your favourite self-help book?

I’ve read a lot over the years - clearly I need plenty of help. Some have been useful, some life-changing, and some… underwhelming. Some leave you feeling misunderstood. Some leave you asking, “Yes, but what do I actually do?” Some preach. Some feel out of touch. Some give advice that sounds nice but falls apart the minute you engage in your actual real life.

The best ones, for me, weave story, science and guidance. They don’t pretend any of this is easy. They don’t over-promise. They leave you feeling understood, supported, and a little more able to shape your own life.*

So when I sat down to write my own book, I wanted to live up to those standards. Not because I expect it to be a global life-changer (my feet are firmly on the ground), but because I wanted it to feel like a learned friend: warm but honest, full of real stories (including my own) and practical tools that actually help you move forward.

When my editor asked, “What’s your angle on purpose? What are you really trying to say?” it made me get clear.

There are many books about purpose out there, but we wanted this one to be a fluff-free zone -  full of substance, not soundbites (ok, that sounds like a soundbite).

 If you’d like to hear more about what makes The Purpose Pursuit a little different, this week’s podcast episode digs into “Four things you won’t find in most self-help books, but you will find in mine.”

But, for now, here’s a couple of thoughts, reflections and perspectives to give you a taster of my approach.

Purpose isn’t a consumable, it’s not something you buy, or arrive at.

It’s more than something we can acquire, or tick off, or complete. It’s not a set of metrics that we can measure ourselves against. It’s also not something that is so elusive and unreachable that we may as well forget about it, either.

It’s a daily, practical outworking of a life lived with meaning. It’s about learning more about who you are, what you bring, and what gives you energy. It’s about choosing a lifestyle and direction that points you towards a life that you’ll back on with gratitude. 

Most self-help books focus entirely on you. It makes sense, they’re self-help books. But despite the cultural message that “putting yourself first leads to fulfilment,” the data tells a different story. The people who live the most meaningful lives have a strong sense of connection, generosity and community.

A great life isn’t a perfect one. It’s a life with ups and downs, giving and receiving, and the cost and joy of being part of something larger than ourselves. The Purpose Pursuit is ultimately about understanding ourselves better so that we can live a life that works for us and those around us.

The book is full of tools to help you stop minimising your contribution, recognise your strengths and step forward. But it also has some honest reflections about the part we play in our own burnout or stuck-ness.

It’s easy to blame the system when life is hard and we’re overwhelmed. We want to stick it to the man, to blame our bosses, capitalism, the weather, the selfishness of others when we can’t cope or feel overlooked or just plain stuck in a life we don’t love. And although that’s true, there’s some conversations we probably need to have with ourselves, too. I’ve worked with so many people to help them see how the very things that make them who they are, if not managed, developed, or understood properly, can just end up holding them back. 

You like serving others? You may have more responsibilities than you can cope with

You don’t like to say no? You also may have more responsibilities than you can cope with

You like being busy and don’t know how to switch off? You may have more responsibilities than you can cope with

You care about other people’s feelings? You too, may have more responsibilities than you can cope with 

You don’t enjoy conflict? I’ll stop here, you get the idea.  

These aren’t bad traits. They’re brilliant. But if left unchecked, they lead to exhaustion and resentment. So in the book, we take a long hard look at the patterns we need to shift - without swinging to the opposite extreme of rigid boundaries and “say no to everything that inconveniences you.” No thank you.

If you’re looking for a grounded, realistic approach to purpose

If you feel over-burdened or taken for granted

If you want to reconnect with what you bring and how to live it out every day

Then I think The Purpose Pursuit will offer you encouragement and a strategy - a chance to rediscover who you are and put it into practice.

After all, what have you got to lose?

With love, 

Hannah x

*Some of my favourite self-help books include Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and Radical Candor by Kim Scott. What’s yours?

P.S. I’m running a fun competition this month over on socials. Send us your proof of purchase to enter a prize draw for a Dishoom voucher, a White Company candle, and some Tony’s chocolate. What’s not to like?