How to take criticism without crumbling 🙃

Hello!

I’m not going to lie, I don't love development feedback. 

I’m much more your ‘tell-me-what-I’m-doing-really-well’ kind of person, even though everything within me wants to tell you a fib and say how much I love being told exactly how or what I can improve. My head knows it’s important. My heart and body less so.

I recently had one of these development type conversations where somebody I’ve been working with on a voluntary basis gave me some feedback on how I’d chaired a board meeting. The combination of overtired and overstretched me, and uber honest and straight-talking him, meant that the feedback was not sugar-coated and shot straight from the hip and straight into my emotions. 

"It was a bit all over the place, Hannah"

I was driving at the time. I wasn’t expecting the conversation to take this turn (I thought I’d done an alright job under the circumstances, to be honest) and could tell that I was getting ready to mount my defence. 

Well, I am definitely a bit all over the place, now.

Why does it affect us like it does? Why do we want to immediately jump to self-justifying, or stop listening to what’s being said and just get ready for when we can have our turn to speak? Why does criticism (even helpful criticism) sit with us and linger in our thoughts until death do us part, but a lovely comment or piece of praise goes in one ear and out the other in an instant?

I think this happens for one of a few reasons. Sometimes, it’s simply because we’re tired and emotional and we just don’t have it in us to be in the mindset for growth, thank you. Sometimes it’s because we weren’t ready for it and we didn’t see it coming and so we’re playing a bit of catch up with the situation. Sometimes, it’s because we’re not sure it’s true, it feels unfounded, un-thought-through or even unfair. Sometimes it's because the criticism is coming from a hypocrite. Sometimes it’s harsh. Sometimes it hits deeper, into a fear of failure, or perhaps perfectionism.

Sometimes, it’s because we let this kind of stuff seep right into our identity. 

We let the words become more than they actually are. Instead of hearing a suggestion on how we can improve, we hear “you are useless and may as well give up right now.” Instead of “it was a bit all over the place,” we hear, “you are a bit all over the place.” 

Granted, sometimes development feedback isn’t given in the most helpful of ways. But this podcast episode is focusing on our response to it – the way we deal with it when we’re told ‘could do better.’ 

Together, we look at: 

• How to separate the wheat from the chaff 

• How we stop it landing in our heart and occupying our mind

• Why we get so defensive

• The difference between it and you

• How to process constructive feedback positively

• Human v Chimp

Want to hear the end of the story about me being a bit all over the place?

 I’ll tell you on the pod 😉

Before I sign off, as usual, here’s a quote, stat and question to get you thinking. 

1 quote: “If you want people to be flexible, adaptable, and open to feedback, so must you.” – George Raveling

1 stat: According to a study by Zenger/Folkman, 92% of respondents agreed that negative feedback, when delivered appropriately, is effective at improving performance

1 question: Can you recall a time when you received feedback that was difficult to hear? How did you initially react, and what did you learn from that experience?

Love,

Hannah x