Finding Peace When Everyone Else’s Life Looks Shinier
Hi all,
Comparison has a way of sneaking up on us, don’t you think? You’re merrily going about your business, and then a horrible feeling you didn’t ask for lands in your stomach. It’s often in the everyday moments. Mid-scroll, a throw-away comment, in a family gathering, or a moment when you catch your reflection in the mirror and suddenly feel a little less enough than you did five minutes ago.
You can be having a perfectly ordinary, decent day, and then something shifts. Someone else’s life looks shinier. Their hair thicker. Their confidence louder. Their success more certain.
And before you know it, a discontent narrative grows in your mind.
Why not me?
What am I missing?
What did I get wrong?
This week on the podcast, Laura and I revisit the topic of comparison. We have an honest chat about how it can hit hardest around family, traditions, and familiar dynamics that pull us back to old versions of ourselves. We talk about how early these comparison stories can begin - in childhood, sibling roles, bodies, appearance -and how they’re later amplified by social media and “curated authenticity” (you know, that carefully crafted vibe of “realness”).
Comparison, when left to make its home in our heart and mind, has a way of convincing us that we are behind, lacking, or somehow late to our own lives.
But one of the things we explore in this episode is a quieter, kinder question:
My friend Nish first explored this idea with me, of using feelings or thoughts of comparison as data. Instead of using it as evidence that we’re failing, we can use it as information.
What’s being stirred up here? What is this highlighting to me? What might I actually want, need, or value more deeply?
Sometimes the work isn’t to “rise above” comparison, but to sit with it long enough to understand what it’s pointing towards.
We also talk about noticing triggers - the reality that certain people, platforms, seasons, or situations might reliably leave us feeling smaller - and learning to approach them with awareness rather than self-judgement.
On the podcast, we share two ideas that might help you see things differently: two foreign words that offer an antidote to unhelpful comparative thoughts.
The practice of finding joy in someone else’s joy. Not forcing positivity, but softening our grip on scarcity and allowing another person’s success to coexist with our own worth. It’s a trait I want more of in my life.
A Japanese idiom that reminds us four different trees blossom in their own time. None are late. None are early. Just growing at their own pace. A gentle reminder that progress isn’t a race we’re meant to win.
Today, I’m going to practice my own freudenfreude - looking for as many chances as I can to be happy for someone else, knowing there’s enough to go around for all of us.
Love,
Hannah x