Have I left it too late?

Hello everyone,

 
I had my children pretty early. My husband and I met when we were young, and in many ways, I felt older than my years, and so, we cracked on with the baby making and our first boy arrived on the scene when I was just 23. I chose this path, and I am grateful for it. 

But. 

Over the years, as I’ve met up with uni friends, or as I’ve looked on at the dazzling careers of some younger friends of mine, taking the world by storm, climbing the corporate ladder, traveling the world, smashing the fitness goals, personal ambitions met and succeeded, I felt a little left behind. Sitting in a pub, somewhere random in the country that’s equidistant for us all, we share what’s going on with our lives. I’ve loved my life, but there have been many times when I’ve sat there and thought, I’m literally working part time in a school, doing school runs, making dinners, watching kids tv, marking books and going to toddler groups. Nothing wrong with any of that, but not that exciting when you’re hearing your friends regale their stories of life in London, the latest travel expeditions and how they’re now head of everything at a large corporate. You can be as secure as you like, and as happy with your life choices as the next person, but those conversations aren’t always easy. 

We humans like to give these feelings a name, a way of explaining what we are facing, and some of what you have read here has been given the name ‘milestone anxiety.’ It’s not a diagnosable anxiety disorder but more of a coined phrase to describe this pressure we can feel to reach all manner of life milestones (not just the traditional ones!). Whether it’s widespread or not (it is), this pressure, understandably, has a knock-on to our personal wellbeing. In a study commissioned by Stylist magazine, 44% of readers admitted that they can’t help but compare when they see others having amazing experiences, or career success (40%) or benchmarking where they are at in life compared to their peers (38%) makes them feel inferior. And this unhelpful benchmarking leads to an anxiety that we are stuck, trapped, behind, and everyone is on track. 

What I am hoping you can see in this blog, and in my podcast episode where we get stuck into this in much more detail, is that the problem isn’t you, the problem is the fact we are comparing. If I compare myself to friends who had their children later in life, and they’re looking at me thinking they’re so far behind, then we can’t both be right - perhaps instead, we are both wrong? There is no timeline. There is no milestone moment that isn’t just manufactured. What about if deciding to launch a business, or back to uni, or start a new career was a totally acceptable thing to do in our forties, or fifties, or sixties?

What if instead we could see the experience we have as an asset, a chance to learn from all we have done before, an opportunity to build something without needing to make it all about us? What if it’s OK to meet the love of your life well past your twenties? Or to have your babies when you’re young if you want to? 

It’s not too late for me, and it’s not too late for you. Yes, there are some things that it is too late for. I am not going to be a ballerina in this lifetime. Or an Olympic athlete. But I’ve just written my first book at the age of 45 when it was something I carried in my private dreams for as many years as I can remember. My silly head tells me that I should have had it written years ago, but perhaps in my heart I know that now is just the right time. And whether now is the right time or not, now, is better than never.

Yes, you maybe could have done it ten years ago. But ten years ago isn’t here anymore. Today is. You get to decide what the next decade looks like. And I know for a fact that you can change more, and do more, and be more of who you were made to be than you realise. Let the book I have written act as a little reminder for us all. 

It’s not too late. 

You haven’t missed it. 

You have something to say.

Love,

Hannah

P.S. I’d love to hear from you: How’s your year panning out? What’s next for you? Hit reply to this email, or DM me on Instagram @hellohannahmiller. I always love hearing your reflections. x