Goodbye, Again

Sometimes it feels like years have themes to them.

Headlines we return to, emotions we revisit. 

It began on New Year’s Eve, with my husband Sam, my youngest son Levi and I driving home from Heathrow after an emotional farewell to Jude. He was off to New Zealand for six months of adventure and self-discovery. I remember quietly crying in the dark, rain pouring, music playing. Quite possibly the worst New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had.

Back home, I felt bereft. He was so far away. I wore his hoody for days, and looked up at the stars at night, thinking he might be doing the same.

But of course, we managed. We had Facetimes, texts, voice notes and photos. Life is busy, time marches on, and the days ticked by. Soon we were in Levi’s GCSE season, Jude was back, and in between we lost Sam’s dear mum, my mom moved into residential care, and a close family relationship took a painful blow.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

And the in-between, between letting go and finding something new, is confusing and painful.

Last night we said goodbye to Jude again. Leeds is thankfully only 100 miles away, not 10,000, but it still signifies another ending. My little boy is growing up. Our family shape is changing. And we can’t go back.

That’s why Jude and I sat down to talk about it all, his travels, the friendships he made, and why uni feels harder after such an amazing gap year. We had a bit of a realisation together: if we don’t let go, even of something wonderful, we can’t fully embrace what’s next.

It’s heartfelt, honest and full of tears. Parents will value hearing from a son’s perspective, and young people will hear one of the most candid reflections from their own age group. It’s so good we made it a two-parter.

Do I believe the best is yet to come? I think so. And maybe you do too. If you’re in a letting go season, let’s do it well: grieve, be grateful, and release it, so we’re ready for what’s next.

Love,
Hannah x